I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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