Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
