I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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