its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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