I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
