And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
