My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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