Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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