I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
