There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
