I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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