I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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