I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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