Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
