She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
