News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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