I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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