I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
