HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
