The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
