I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
