coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
