I cannot find my penis.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
