Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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