The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
