Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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