Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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