Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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