there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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