just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
