Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
