I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
