It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
