Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
