Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My penis needs a shock collar
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
