After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
