so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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