oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
