There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
