I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
