The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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