He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
