Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
