In America we eat man semen.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
