Please, let me fuck your mom
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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