Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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