I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
