Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
