i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
