theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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