I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
