WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
