Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
