after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
