Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
