i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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