Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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