The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
