I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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