I need help removing her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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