I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
