Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
