he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
