Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
