this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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