4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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