dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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