He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
