i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
