Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
