So drunk its hurt
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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