I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
