: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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