Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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